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Local Comedian

[ website | I'm a fourteen year old girl! ]
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[22 Nov 2008|12:01pm]
Hi. If you're here this means you're reading my livejournal. Congratulations!

If this is the first post you've seen in 2 years that's because I've gone friends only. So friend me and you'll know about all the stupid stuff that's going on in my life!

It's pretty boring. All the funny stuff goes on my MySpace blog. Why, in fact, I just posted one right now!
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Hanging out with Dad and Steve yesteray. [19 Oct 2006|02:03pm]
Dad: Hey, you boys remember the batting cages I used to take you to off of Vandalia?

Me: The one with the Kirby Puckett and Kent Hrbek cardboard cutout?

Steve: Yeah, I remember that place.

Dad: You remember the time I got in an argument with some guy at the batting cages?

Steve: No.

Me: Wait, what?

Dad: Well, you know how you're supposed to take turns at the batting cages, just one round and then the back of the line? This guy had his kid in the cage and he just kept feeding him money through the cage. The kid did like three rounds in a row. So I went up to the guy and said "Hey, how about giving some of the other kids a turn?"

Steve: What did he say?

Dad: He looked right at me and said "Ain't no goddamn rules here!"

Me: So what happened after that?

Dad: I started heckling his kid.

Me: Bullshit!

Dad: Really! I was yelling "Nice swing, kid! Swing and a miss!". They left pretty quick after that.

That's pretty sweet.
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Let your voice be heard. [13 Oct 2006|07:30pm]
There's a website called http://www.myrockinprofile.com where you can cast your vote on which myspace user has the best profile, best blog, is the best friend, best band etc. It's pretty bullshit. And by pretty I mean really.

MyRockin Profile Awards - Vote for me! Click here!

So I submitted my profile for "best emerging model". Click on the banner to vote for me.

I will not rest until people recognize me as the prettiest skinny girl on MySpace.
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Where am I performing next? How about ON YOUR COMPUTER? [11 Oct 2006|09:53am]
Hey, three people that read this journal that don't actually know me! It's me telling jokes!

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[24 Sep 2006|11:40pm]
My temp job ended but the agency hooked me up with another job doing voter registration in Hennepin County. I am now The Man and not the good kind. The worst part of a new job is having to shave. I hate shaving. If I could travel back in time I would go and punch Peter 1 the Great in his stupid face (look it up).

I spent almost 20 hours in a car with the great Matt Fugate over the last three days. It was cool. We wrote some jokes. I might have a joke about the jackalope and another about buffalo because that is what surrounds you in South Dakota.

In the time spent in his car I forced my iTunes on him like the iTunes were a drunken fratboy and he was a naive young freshman at her first kegger. The date rape in this analogy comes in the form of Against Me!, Weezer and P.O.S.

I am going to sleep now because I have to get up in less than 7 hours to go work at a government building.

p.s. I like referring to my temp agency as "the agency". It makes it sound like my assignments involve fake passports and gun silencers.
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I win! [24 Sep 2006|02:12am]
25 minutes. 3 "f" bombs.

Also, I had a mystical journey at Wall Drug. Check out the pictures on my MySpace profile for more info.

I be drink.
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Challenge! [22 Sep 2006|10:40pm]
So I'm in South Dakota with Fugate and he challenged me to say "fuck" three times or less during my half hour set.

It's fucking ON.
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Monday text conversation with Brody [21 Sep 2006|08:49pm]
ME: ACME tonight?

BRODY: Don't know. Might have a date tonight. Not sure.

ME: Oooh, Brody's got a girlfriend!

BRODY: Or a friend.

ME: That you kiss! (smack) "oh, I love you, Brody!" That's what your girlfriend probably says when you kiss her, fag!

BRODY: It's your mom. Heard she fucks on the first date. Anal!

ME: Not cool, man. You know mom jokes sting extra deep for me because your mom dumped me for that middle school football team.

BRODY: She said the retarded equipment manager fucked better than you.

ME: That would explain why she married him.

BRODY: Bill, it's time you knew. You're my half brother.
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I live! [12 Sep 2006|10:56pm]
I haven't updated in a while because August left me pretty burnt out. I'm starting to get back on some sort of schedule and I will tell you all about the hilarious things that happened to me over the past few weeks. Not tonight, though. I have a cold and I want to sleep forever while orange juice and Echinacea (I don't know if that's how you spell it) courses through me.
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Check this shit out! [25 Aug 2006|01:18pm]
Sorry for the not updating but I have been really busy since I lost my job (figures). The good news is I got a new job so things should calm down soon enough. Here's the latest show I'm working on.

For more info check out The Label's MySpace or The Bryant-Lake Bowl's website!
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This is so much easier than actually writing a post (and it usually gets more comments, too!). [15 Aug 2006|11:19pm]
1. Scan my interests list.
2. Pick out one interest that seems odd/intriguing/confusing/whatever to you.
3. I'll explain why it's on my list.
4. You post this in your journal so others can ask about your interests.
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Take them both and there you have the facts of life. [14 Aug 2006|01:10am]
The bad news is: There was no Fringe encore for us today (according to the Fringe, we were a very close second).

The good news is: We had an awesome sold out crowd for the closing show last night!

The good news is: Now I can devote more time to doing the stand up comedy deal.

The bad news is: It's not like I was getting that much work to begin with.

The bad news is: I just lost my job today.

The good news is: ...let me get back to you on that one.
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Booya! [10 Aug 2006|03:12pm]
Yanke just got an email -

Hi Mike,

We're just doing some preliminary numbers to see who's leading in attendance at each venue. Currently your show is the most attended at your venue. We don't have a Fringe Encore Signup form from you. Is that intentional or is that an oversight? Just checking in case you remain #1. Congrats,


Leah Cooper
Executive Director

For those not in the know, the Fringe Festival is going on in a couple dozen venues all across Minneapolis and the highest attended show in each venue gets an encore performance on the last day of the festival. So far, "Porn" is in the lead at the Rarig Xperimental.

We've still got two shows and three days to go, but I'm going to start gloating anyway.

Eat shit, other shows at the same venue as us!
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Sorry to the three people that read this and are getting sick of me talking about the Fringe show non-stop. Closing night is this Saturday and I swear I'll never talk about it again.

Opening night was a disastrous clusterfuck. Everything that could have gone wrong did. I missed a major cue and I'm supposed to be the director. We got some laughs but nobody involved was happy with the show.

Something happened last night with our 2nd show that made things 100 times better. It was funnier, there were no tech glitches, everybody was on their mark, people were ad libbing like crazy and it worked. I was giddy afterward.

Of course, the theater critics for the Pioneer Press and Star Tribune were at Friday's disaster.

It doesn't matter. The Star Tribune actually had some good things to say (see my previous post) and the Pioneer Press ripped us apart so hard that people will come simply out of curiosity (we practically had a full house last night. Eat my dick, Dominic Papatola!). The shit review also allowed us to have the "fuck it" attitude needed to really make the comedy happen.

We've got 3 shows left! Wednesday @ 7:00, Friday @ 4:00 and Saturday @ 8:30.
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Our first not quite as shitty review! [07 Aug 2006|10:13am]
From the Star Tribune.


"What's the best part of porn? Well, it's the rich plot and character development, of course. This potty-mouth extravaganza peters out with nary a flash of nudity, instead telling the back story of two dudes slopping together a play about porn star Jenna Jameson. Creators Mike Yanke and Bill Young are actually pretty funny guys, and one segment with Mitch Hansen portraying Jameson is inspired absurdity. Otherwise, it's dirty talk, stupid plot and more bad acting than you can shake a stick at. (8:30 p.m.
Monday, 7 p.m. Wednesday, 4 p.m. Friday, 8:30 p.m. next Saturday. Rarig Center.)"


Now you have two reasons to read the Star Tribune over the Pioneer Press.

1. Get Fuzzy.
2. They think I'm a pretty funny guy.
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It's on. Like Donkey Kong. [05 Aug 2006|02:42am]
Our first shitty review!Collapse )

"Another show that I'm afraid I can't recommend!" - Phillip Low.

That's the quote that's going on the top of our show description on our Fringe page tomorrow.
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I want to do that thing with the drill like that scene in Pi only with my nose. [04 Aug 2006|11:28am]
I've got a wicked ass sinus headache right now and the show opens at 5:30 today. I'm debating on whether to take some Sudafed.

Sudafed works. I pop two pills and the pressure's gone and the nasal passages start drip-drippin. The only problem is that Sudafed always leaves me in this half hyper/half drunk/half sweaty (bad math proves a point!) state and I don't know if I want to have to deal with that while trying desperately to look like I sort of know what acting is.

Any alternative remedies?
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From Yanke's interview. [03 Aug 2006|12:02pm]
I don't know the name of the lady on the show so we'll just call her WCCO.

YANKE: Is this a good time to say the name of my show?
WCCO: Softly (laughs).
YANKE: Well, it's called "Porn! Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Dong".
WCCO: I'm not quite sure if that's the kind of show our listeners want to go see. Maybe if they want to expand their horizons-
YANKE: Now the show's not just about porn, it's also about America. So if they like America, they'll like our show.

If you don't like our show, you're a terrorist.
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More plugs! [03 Aug 2006|11:11am]
Yanke's going to be interviewed by the "Thrifty Hipster" on WCCO AM 830 in about a half hour.

Check it out!
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Buzz. [02 Aug 2006|01:04pm]
Yanke and I were interviewed for the Minnesota Daily!

I'm a little worried that, like the Lavender blurb, the article makes the play seem a little more serious than it is which is not serious at all.

Also, I know the last few posts have just been links and plugs. It'll probably be that way until the Fringe is over. Sorry.
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